Broken

Sometimes you don’t stop to listen to what your body is telling you and then, BAM, you’re hurt. I was away from practice for three days (one of which was a Saturday, the other two were 12 hour work days). I was really looking forward to getting back to the studio and my practice yesterday, even having crazed visions of accomplishing the feat of getting my arms through lotus for garbha. I was feeling pretty stiff and sore when I arrived and cheated with a little stretching before I started my practice. Not too far in, I managed to hurt myself. I am finding new and creative ways to injure my knees, it seems. This time the pain is in the side/back and goes down part of my upper calf. I can’t do half lotus, much less full, also janu C, and down dog hurt. Frustrating. Today felt fine until ardha baddha padmottanasana. After that, ouch. My teacher says to ride it out and not to do anything to aggravate it. We’ll see what happens.

I am interpreting this as my body telling me to f*%& off with my hectic schedule and give it a break; to stop pushing in all areas. My work/life balance has been incredibly skewed lately and I’m so stressed that I’m having a lot of trouble staying asleep, despite being exhausted. So, ok body, I hear you. Now heal!

I want to try to balance this negative out with a positive, so I will say that my jump throughs today felt great- light and strong. I am so glad that back bending is great! I still leave practice feeling happy because of that. Drop backs are really coming along. I am struggling a bit, but for once I am giving myself some credit because I can do it. Standing up is good, I just struggle with bringing my head up last so I’m stumbling a bit. I want to stretch out that stubborn psoas and then I think I’ll really be rocking the back bends.

I can’t anticipate what tomorrow will bring, but I’m going to try to be patient with myself regardless. Ahimsa includes violence towards the self, something I need work on.

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